Title says it all. I've been stuck (and will be for the next few days) in a basement with no phone service for my entire work day. Since I know all of you guys were dying to know and couldn't get through your day without your dose of the Shotgun Start, this is why I haven't been blogging. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I need this cash or else Visa is gonna own my white ass. Hopefully the blog will be back up and running by Monday. Have a good and safe weekend ya filthy animals.

Alright, for those who don't know me, I'm a Packers fan. Get out all of your jeers now please, because I'm about drop some NFL knowledge on all of your asses. Here's the truth: The Packers have no chance to win the division with Flynn under center. I get it, he brought us back against Dallas, but I could have done that. Dallas' defense has more holes than Lisa Ann. The Packers next two games are home against Pittsburgh and then at Chicago. Pittsburgh has had a disappointing season, but they're coming off of a huge win against Cincinnati, so this game is pretty much a toss up. However, if Rodgers comes back, I give the Pack an edge, especially at home. Both of these games are must-win. Chicago also controls its' own playoff destiny, with their two remaining games away against the Eagles and home against the Pack. The NFC North playoff picture has been confusing all season long and it doesn't look like it's straightening itself out anytime soon...which makes football very interesting for us Midwesterners. It all comes down to the Week 17 Bears-Packers matchup. As football fans, this is a dream. The greatest rivalry in football to determine who wins the division and makes the playoffs. Wednesday is doomsday, seeing as Rodgers has to get medically cleared in order to play. My prediction: Rodgers returns this week, both the Pack and Bears win, and the Packers beat the Bears in Week 17 to sneak into the playoffs. You read it here first!

So I got into a discussion with a coworker today. There I was, just finished eating my Cheetos on my lunch break, busy licking my fingers dry and kicking back in my badass office with a computer with 2 monitors, and he barges in and asks me some question about a project I've been doing for him. I respond and he looks at me puzzled and says "What on God's earth are you doing?" (I shit you not, those were his exact words. Keep in mind, I work in an office full of misfits). I told him what I was doing and he was absolutely appalled. Went on a rant about how gross and unsanitary it was. I just about lost my shit. I was baffled by the fact he doesn't lick the dust of his hands. He believes you need to wash your hands immediately after consumption of the Cheetos. Needless to say, I will not be spending any one-on-one time with this guy anymore due to the fact I'm scared for my own life since he's a communist. Anyways, leave your opinions here..or on my twitter...or my facebook. Whatever. Just let me know what your stance on this is. Oh, and since I know you all are doubting this story I've included two pictures. One of my hands right after finishing the bag (posted at the top) and the second one is me sucking my middle finger dry* (will be posted after the jump).

* NSFW for the ladies because just seeing me suck my finger might cause you to faint from being so turned on. *

Reason number INFINITY dogs are better than cats. Look at this smart S.O.B. Oh, you fools think doggy paddling is the only way to swim? Didn't you know you can stand?! If this was a cat, it would've drowned in 0.2 seconds. Stupid felines. Dogs are God's best friends. Cats are Satan's best friends. Plain and simple.

So this went semi-viral over the weekend and I have to say my peace on this: Jennifer Lawrence is beautiful. That's what I learned most from this GIF. Not that photo-shopping something makes that person look much more gorgeous or that this magazine has 265 summer finds. I just realized how gorgeous Jennifer Lawrence is. Like, I'm wavering back and forth on if I prefer the Photo-shopped version or the real-life version. Vote below!!

Alright, so I'm going to win the Mega Millions tonight. I'm 1000000000% positive. Absolutely zero doubt in my mind. So I decided to attempt to predict what my exact reaction is going to be and what my first five financial investments will be.

1. CRY MY DAMN EYES OUT - That's right. I'll break down in tears right when my numbers are announced across the television screen. And if you think you wouldn't cry, you are brain-dead. My life is going to be complete. I'm going to be rich as hell for the remainder of my life. God-damn right I'm going to cry.

2. Give 1 Million to Friends and Family- Yeah, just a million to each. And I will make them sign a legal contract that says they cannot ask me for money at any other time for the rest of my life or I get to cut off a bodily part every single time they ask. I've got the money, I've got the power.

3. Give about 100 million to my father to invest- "Oh Dave, that's so boring." "That's lame as hell, you suck at blogging". Boo-hoo. I'm honest with my readers and this is honestly what I'd do. My pops is some sort of financial wizard. I still believe to this day that he couldn't survive one hour without doing some sort of mathematical equation. 

4. Donate 20 million to charity- Just call me "Do-Gooder-Dave"

5. Buy myself the biggest truck I could find and go driving down the highway until I hit Nashville. Go wild in Nashville and wake up and buy myself some badass property around there- Straight and to the point. Going on an adventure with 4 of my best buddies and blowing money like it's my job.

DISCLAIMER: This is my honest first five moves. I did it this way because I'm going to win, so I need to be realistic. If I wasn't going to win, I'd say some crazy, fantasy shit like go to Seattle and find Russell Wilson and kick him in the nuts. But I'm a realist. And this is how my Tuesday night/ Wednesday is going to go down. Chalk it up.

I, for one, cannot be more ecstatic. Everytime the Bulls win, I cry a little inside. Do I feel guilty about cheering them on to lose? Yes. Do I think it's wrong? Not in the least bit. The last thing the Bulls need is to make the playoffs only to get knocked out in the second round again and get a shitty draft pick. This years top draft choices are stellar: Parker, Randle, Smart, Wiggins, etc. Imagine a Bulls backcourt consisting of the two greatest Chicago high school basketball players (Who both went to the same high school, Simeon, by the way) since Benji was tragically murdered. If the Bulls make the playoffs, which is highly plausible due to the fact the Eastern conference is an abomination to the NBA, they'll get another subpar player in the middle of the first round and not improve at all. I say they get rid of everybody...trade Deng for whatever you can get for him, amnesty Boozer...and tank this whole season. Go for a lottery pick and we'll be back next year. This isn't a rebuilding process that might take half of a decade. This could only take one year. The way I see it, the Bulls are one piece away from being the East's top contender to the Heat. Thibs is an outstanding coach, Rose will be back 110% healthy next year with a vengeance, and Butler is showing huge promise as a typical Thibs role player. They just need one more true scorer who can create his own shot and defend well. TANK, TANK, TANK PAXSON. For the love of God, please do something right.

Eminem video for "The Monster" premiered on MNF Countdown. Two takeaways: 1) I'm so weirdly attracted to Rihanna I might go see a shrink to see why I find her so damn sexy. 2) Best work Eminem has done in a very long time. MMLP2 was above average, but this video surpasses the album without a doubt.

P.S. Maybe Shady learned his lesson that just premiering his videos on live sports programming is more up his alley than actually being in the announcer's booth to do an interview about his music.

The title of this blog says it all. If you walk past the sound of the ringing bell without dropping even a dime in that bucket, I hate you with a burning passion. Christmas is a time of giving. Change is nothing to most of us. We lose it in the car, in between the cracks of our couches, or simply tell the cashier to keep it. There is no reason you shouldn't be donating at least a penny every time you pass one of the buckets. I'm a poor college student, yet I *always* give my change to the workers. Society as a whole has seemed to lose sight of what's important. We focus more on bettering ourselves than trying to help out the truly unfortunate. It's time for that stop. Even if only one person reads this blog and begins to donate to them every single trip to the store, I've done something good for the day. Thank you in advance for doing what you can to help those in need.



P.S- There's an asterisk next to always because sometimes I don't have any cash at all on me. In that case, there's nothing you can do. But at least say "Merry Christmas" to the worker who is freezing his/her ass off trying to raise money for these people. And maybe give more next time you see one.

http://screenrant.com/22-jump-street-red-band-trailer/

The first trailer for "22 Jump Street" was released today and I cannot be more excited for this movie. After all of the this Anchorman overkill. I'm hoping this movie flies a tad under the radar. Channing and Jonah (We're best friends, so we're on a first name basis) were hysterical in the first one and I'm expecting the same out of this one. I'd love to post the video right on this blog page, but they didn't give me a desktop at my job over winter break, so that's making it very difficult to even blog anything...hence, only 2 blogs today. Either way, enjoy the trailer!

-P.S - If they don't give me a desktop this week, I'm not sure if I'll be able to blog at all. I know my fan base (aka 25 people, at most) will be disappointed, but I'm just giving you all a heads up.