Alright, so I'm going to win the Mega Millions tonight. I'm 1000000000% positive. Absolutely zero doubt in my mind. So I decided to attempt to predict what my exact reaction is going to be and what my first five financial investments will be.
1. CRY MY DAMN EYES OUT - That's right. I'll break down in tears right when my numbers are announced across the television screen. And if you think you wouldn't cry, you are brain-dead. My life is going to be complete. I'm going to be rich as hell for the remainder of my life. God-damn right I'm going to cry.
2. Give 1 Million to Friends and Family- Yeah, just a million to each. And I will make them sign a legal contract that says they cannot ask me for money at any other time for the rest of my life or I get to cut off a bodily part every single time they ask. I've got the money, I've got the power.
3. Give about 100 million to my father to invest- "Oh Dave, that's so boring." "That's lame as hell, you suck at blogging". Boo-hoo. I'm honest with my readers and this is honestly what I'd do. My pops is some sort of financial wizard. I still believe to this day that he couldn't survive one hour without doing some sort of mathematical equation.
4. Donate 20 million to charity- Just call me "Do-Gooder-Dave"
5. Buy myself the biggest truck I could find and go driving down the highway until I hit Nashville. Go wild in Nashville and wake up and buy myself some badass property around there- Straight and to the point. Going on an adventure with 4 of my best buddies and blowing money like it's my job.
DISCLAIMER: This is my honest first five moves. I did it this way because I'm going to win, so I need to be realistic. If I wasn't going to win, I'd say some crazy, fantasy shit like go to Seattle and find Russell Wilson and kick him in the nuts. But I'm a realist. And this is how my Tuesday night/ Wednesday is going to go down. Chalk it up.
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